Blog - Carlene Lehmann

RAIN: A Practice of Radical Compassion

The acronym RAIN – Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture – guides us in bringing mindfulness and compassion to difficult emotions. With practice, we can find our way home to open-hearted presence in the midst of whatever arises. Allow yourself to be with your feelings and see what they have to tell you. The video below is Tara Brach leading you through a meditation using the practice of RAIN. For more information and a printout of these steps, you can visit Tara Brach's website at https://www.tarabrach.com/rain-practice-radical-compassion/.

Emotional Mastery: The Gifted Wisdom of Unpleasant Feelings

https://youtu.be/EKy19WzkPxE What often blocks people from feeling capable in life and from having greater success with finances, health or relationships is how they handle unpleasant feelings. Psychologist Joan Rosenberg unveils the innovative strategy and surprising keys for experiencing the challenging emotions that lie at the heart of confidence, emotional strength, and resilience.

Resources on Racism and Inequality

Out of respect for the recent deaths of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery and the many who came before them, I am posting information to help educate on racism and inequality and empower you to help create a new world where we all can be safe, respected, and treated with dignity. Here are some resources from Esther Perel that we want to share with you: We’re in a moment that highlights the fault lines in our society. I ask you to consider the difference between solidarity and reform. To understand that when we say things like “we just want to go…

TAMING THE CYCLE

https://youtu.be/Qt4VhRHsjm8 In Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, we talk about the cycle or dance that couples get into in their relationships. Often we find ourselves arguing about the same concerns over and over without any real resolution. In this video, Sharon Mead describes this cycle and how an EFT therapist can help you understand and tame your cycle getting to the root of the issues. This is the approach I use with many of the couples I see. I hope this helps you have some more understanding of the process we will follow in working together in counseling. I am happy…

HOW TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A WAVE (ANXIOUS) PARTNER

by Carlene Lehmann, M.A., LMFT In a previous blog post, I discussed the different attachment styles. If you are not sure which attachment style you or your partner is, you can take the Attachment Styles Quiz. If your partner is a wave and has an anxious attachment style and you have a different attachment style, it can be difficult to know what they need. We can help you understand what it’s like to be them and give you some tips so you can help meet their needs. A Wave may have had a childhood where their caregivers were inconsistent in their availability- they…

HOW TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH AN ISLAND (AVOIDANT) PARTNER

by Carlene Lehmann, M.A., LMFT In a previous blog post, I discussed the different attachment styles. If you are not sure which attachment style you or your partner is, you can take the Attachment Styles Quiz. If your partner is an island and has an avoidant attachment style and you have a different attachment style, it can be hard to know what they need. We will help you understand their worldview and give you some tips so you can help meet their needs. An Island may have had a childhood where there was a focus on performance and the self as more important…

ATTACHMENT STYLES: WHAT ARE THEY AND WHY DO THEY MATTER?

by Carlene Lehmann, M.A., LMFT What is Attachment? Attachment styles are characterized by different ways of interacting and behaving in relationships. During early childhood, these attachment styles are centered on how children and parents interact. In adulthood, attachment styles are used to describe patterns of attachment in romantic relationships. The concept of attachment styles grew out the attachment theory and research that emerged throughout the 1960s and 1970s. The three main types of attachment- There are three main patterns of attachment- Secure, Anxious, and Avoidant. More recently, Dr. Stan Takin, a clinician and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy…

LEARN TO SPEAK YOUR PARTNER’S LOVE LANGUAGES

Learn your Partner's Love Language Staying connected to your partner may seem a relatively easy task, or at times, it may seem more challenging. Perhaps you and your partner are experiencing more disagreement lately, or you simply feel a huge disconnect in your individual wants and needs? Focusing on others and their needs is pivotal to a healthy and successful marriage, yet so often we are uncertain how to fully focus on the other and offer them what they need to feel loved. Understanding your Partner's Love Language is Crucial to a Healthy and Thriving Relationship Dr. Gary Chapman is…

HOW TO ATTUNE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

“They don’t listen to me.” This is one of the most common complaints of some of my couple clients. The good news is there is a way to overcome this struggle. One of the best strategies for learning to listen well in our marriage has come from Dr. John Gottman. He refers to the practice as ATTUNEMENT. The process is not rocket science, but its impact is powerful. Just as it takes a few regular adjustments to tune your favorite radio station in while on a car ride, listening well involves more than just not talking. There is a focusing or tuning…

SELF COMPASSION- WHAT IS IT?

by Carlene Lehmann, M.A., LMFT Self compassion can help us develop more kindness towards ourselves and others as well as decrease anxiety and depression Self-compassion is the ability to offer kindness and understanding to yourself when you fail or make mistakes, instead of, judging yourself harshly. Instead of just ignoring your pain with a “stiff upper lip” mentality, you stop to tell yourself “this is really difficult right now,” how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment? Three components of self-compassion: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness According to Kristin Neff, Associate Professor of Human Development and Culture and…