https://youtu.be/Qt4VhRHsjm8 In Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, we talk about the cycle or dance that couples get into in their relationships. Often we find ourselves arguing about the same concerns over and over without any real resolution. In this video, Sharon Mead describes this cycle and how an EFT therapist can help you understand and tame your cycle getting to the root of the issues. This is the approach I use with many of the couples I see. I hope this helps you have some more understanding of the process we will follow in working together in counseling. I am happy…

by Carlene Lehmann, M.A., LMFT In a previous blog post, I discussed the different attachment styles. If you are not sure which attachment style you or your partner is, you can take the Attachment Styles Quiz. If your partner is an island and has an avoidant attachment style and you have a different attachment style, it can be hard to know what they need. We will help you understand their worldview and give you some tips so you can help meet their needs. An Island may have had a childhood where there was a focus on performance and the self as more important…

by Carlene Lehmann, M.A., LMFT What is Attachment? Attachment styles are characterized by different ways of interacting and behaving in relationships. During early childhood, these attachment styles are centered on how children and parents interact. In adulthood, attachment styles are used to describe patterns of attachment in romantic relationships. The concept of attachment styles grew out the attachment theory and research that emerged throughout the 1960s and 1970s. The three main types of attachment- There are three main patterns of attachment- Secure, Anxious, and Avoidant. More recently, Dr. Stan Takin, a clinician and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy…

Learn your Partner's Love Language Staying connected to your partner may seem a relatively easy task, or at times, it may seem more challenging. Perhaps you and your partner are experiencing more disagreement lately, or you simply feel a huge disconnect in your individual wants and needs? Focusing on others and their needs is pivotal to a healthy and successful marriage, yet so often we are uncertain how to fully focus on the other and offer them what they need to feel loved. Understanding your Partner's Love Language is Crucial to a Healthy and Thriving Relationship Dr. Gary Chapman is…

“They don’t listen to me.” This is one of the most common complaints of some of my couple clients. The good news is there is a way to overcome this struggle. One of the best strategies for learning to listen well in our marriage has come from Dr. John Gottman. He refers to the practice as ATTUNEMENT. The process is not rocket science, but its impact is powerful. Just as it takes a few regular adjustments to tune your favorite radio station in while on a car ride, listening well involves more than just not talking. There is a focusing or tuning…

By Carlene Lehmann, LMFT I first heard of the term "Loving Firmness" from Terry Real, psychotherapist and creator of Relational Life Therapy. It is bringing kindness and firmness together. It helps us to be assertive without being aggressive. How can we develop loving firmness? It is where you cherish your partner or child, yourself, and your relationship in equal measure. You are able to speak up and have your voice heard without having to be harsh. Instead of criticism and contempt, you treat your partner or child with the same level of politeness you would afford any other human being.…